Rewind
by Shihoin82
Summary: Just your average YoukoxSei love story. Ratings may change.
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

A/N: All characters from the Manga/Anime are slightly OOC. They ought to be since this is set way past their high school days, and an assumption that they have changed should be at the very least logical.

No copyright infringement is intended. I do not claim to own Maria-sama Ga Miteru and all it's characters.

This story is more dialogue-based, if not soliloquy inspired.

-----

_"Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave"--Winnie the Pooh._

That was the only thing Youko left for her. A note; a page ripped out of a small reporter's notepad that Sei brought along wherever she went. It wasn't even a damn personal note. It had to be a quote from an overweight bear who had an aversion to underwear. The note did not last for a day, as Sei immediately burned it, but the words remained etched in her mind to her dismay. She nursed her drink while she depressingly slumped on top of the bar.

"Long night?", the very attractive bartender inquired with a hint of flirting.

"That's why I'm here", Sei muttered. She stared with a pang of envy at the ice cubes that floated inside the glass; they melted little by little with each full stir. This is exactly what she wished for her to happen--melt in oblivion.

"It must be my lucky night then", the bartender cooed. "And to think I almost switched shifts with another employee"

Sei frowned and lifted her head to get a good look at the other girl. Bartenders are supposed to flirt a little with their customers. The bartender smiled playfully and winked at her as she prepared another drink for another seemingly depressed customer. "You're new here, aren't you?" Sei asked. Her eyes still gazed at her drink as she carefully thumbed through the glass.

"Just got in last night". Sei noticed the girl spoke with a certain weak brogue. Though she's not surprised since this bar has been a watering hole of ex-pats from America, it was quite unusual to have a Caucasian bartender, let alone with a non-American accent.

"Scottish?"

"Irish, actually"

"Same difference", Sei said.

"Like the Koreans, Japanese, and Chinese?"

Sei smirked. "touché. So what's an Irish doing in Tokyo?"

"I used to...be in the fashion industry...I just got sick and tired of that life. So I just woke up one day and decided, it's time to leave" Images of Youko flashed in Sei's head. _She_ just packed up and left as well. She wondered if that's exactly how Youko felt. Waking up one morning and got sick and tired of her.

"The fashion industry is a dog-eat-dog world, an environment that would have made Thomas Hobbes proud", the Irish girl interrupted. "Man is a wolf to man, the philosopher wrote. And a model's career fits like a glove with Hobbes' view that life is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.I was at the peak of my career, but I damn well knows that my 15 minutes are ticking loudly. I wasn't going to go down the road that other models took, washed-up, and begging for jobs. I've got the money, I figured I'll find another life where 25 years old isn't considered old"

"Easy as that?" Sei asked absentmindedly. Her thoughts were focused on the fact that this girl had just debunked her notion on models. Quoting an Enlightenment philosopher was impressive.

"Got no one left behind", the girl replied.

Sei pursed her lips. Those words hit hard. Youko had someone whom she left behind. But that didn't stop her.

"Caitlyn Byrne", the bartender said as she leaned against the bar, extending her hand.

"Can't be more Irish than that", Sei retorted as she shook Caitlyn's hand.

The girl laughed. "Well, yes. It would be terribly weird if my name was Elizabeth Jones"

"Truer words were never spoken. Satou Sei"

"Heartbroken?"

Sei's eyes narrowed. "Clairvoyant?"

"A very attractive girl, I say, early 20's? Alone in a small bar, taking whiskey and Coke"

Sei smirked and nodded her head in agreement. "I'm impressed"

"And I'm curious" Caitlyn asked as she poured another shot of Johnny Walker and mixed it with Coke. She expertly slid the glass on top of the bar and accurately stopped in front of Sei. "So...what's your story, Satou Sei?


	2. Chapter 2: an epic crank

Sei let out a bitter laugh. "My story? You want to hear my goddamn story?"

"I asked, didn't I?"

"That's your job". Sei grimaced as she gulped down the last shot of whiskey and coke before she took in another glass.

"My job is to keep customers drinking. Listening is optional. Asking is an exception"

Sei sized up the Irish woman as if that alone can give her a sense whether the latter is sincere or not. She leaned against the backrest of the stool and scoffed. "It's just another pathetic story you'd hear in bars like these"

"It's only my second night here, remember? My ears have yet to be saturated", the charming bartender reminded her. "It's a lazy night, come on, sweet cheeks, I'm all yours"

"Glad someone is" Sei's interest shifted from her drink to the other girl's left hand. She stared at what appears to be a wedding band. "Two days in Tokyo and you already got to fool a Japanese man into marrying you?"

Caitlyn chuckled and shook her head. "He...", she held her hand up, "is the no one I left behind, I'm keeping this band to drive away unwanted vultures, like that chubby smelly bastard in that corner".

Another young girl, this time Japanese, came in and waved at Caitlyn. "Move your ass out of the counter, Irish girl", she said with a cheerful laugh, "my turn"

"Good, I've been itching to be served. One pint of beer over here. Miss Satou Sei and I will be heading to the booth"

"Gotcha", the new bartender replied.

After settling down at the farthest corner of the bar, Sei began asking questions about Caitlyn's life back in Ireland.

"Hold it. Why are you the one asking questions?"

Sei shrugged. "I told you, there's nothing new about my problem"

"That's not the point. Besides, each love story is different from another, because the nuances of every couple are unique. Same reason for a fight, different ways of reacting, different ways of making up...or should I say, breaking up?"

"Yeah", Sei said curtly. She shifted uncomfortably, remembering how she had been technically dumped a few days ago. She rested on her elbow, covering her mouth with a hand, looking every bit the part of a jilted lover.

"How about this. You ask me a one line of question, then I ask you afterward", Caitlyn suggested, hoping to compromise.

Sei sighed, surrendering to her fate tonight. It's not like she had anywhere else to go, and anything to do. What could be so bad about a very attractive bartender playing shrink over alcoholic drinks? "Alright Caitlyn Byrne. So why did you leave your husband?"

"Wow, straight to the point, huh? He's a love rat, kept forgiving him, but the 5th time? Pffft. Too much already" Caitlyn chugged down the beer.

Sei stared in amazement. "You just reinforced the stereotype on Irish people"

"I aim to please", Caitlyn replied with a satisfied grin. "My turn. So tell me, why did _she_ leave you?"

Sei grimaced and slumped her shoulders. "Do I have the L word written on my forehead?", she asked irritably while pointing at the upper part of her face in a circular motion. "I swear you're either really a clairvoyant or I have a homosexual vibe oozing out of my body involuntarily"

"You make it sound like it's a bad thing"

"No...just...is it that obvious?"

"Actually, no. I assumed because you kept staring at my bum earlier. So I'm apparently right"

Sei felt heat on her cheeks. It _was_ the first thing she noticed on Caitlyn. "Err..."

Caitlyn waved it off. "That had nothing to do with my question. I wouldn't have survived the modeling world if I object to people ogling at my body"

Sei leaned back and sighed. "Truth? I don't know. She just...packed up and left...while I was happily sleeping...dreaming in fact of her"

"That's quite an exit"

"Yeah...damn it". She stood up and walked towards the bar. She walked back with a new glass filled with her drink. "Why Tokyo?"

"I wanted to be far away as possible, without going exotic. I know the language. Been learning it since I was 8"

"Just for kicks?"

"In a way", Caitlyn chuckled. "you're looking at a private Catholic school girl. We were asked to learn a foreign language. I chose it because I thought it was cool. By the time I wanted to throw up at the sight of Japanese characters, it was too late for me to shift languages"

"Well we have something in common then"

"The language?"

"That...and Catholic schools"

"All-girls?"

"Yeah"

"I see". Caitlyn gave a knowing smile.

"Yeah...stereotypes...but for the record, I only had one experience back in highschool", Sei said defensively. She then became very pensive. "But...that's also the time Youko and I became friends"

"That's her name, huh? Youko?"

"Yeah". Sei stared at the glass wistfully. "She was the one that reached out...I...dismissed her as a meddler...I didn't like her at all...she was everything that I was not"

"How was she back then?"

"She always carried herself with so much grace and confidence...I, on the other hand, I simply wanted to disappear...or at the very least be alone...I knew who I was even at that young age...I knew I didn't fit in...an all-girls school...dedicated to following the virtues of the Virgin Mary...chaste...pure...obedient...pious...heterosexual"

Caitlyn snickered at Sei's last description. "I wouldn't be too sure of that"

"Let's not be blasphemous", Sei protested. "I may not be all Marian-like, but that doesn't mean I've turned secular humanist. I still got my Catholic guilt somewhere tucked in a corner"

Caitlyn raised her arms. "Alright, alright. Same here actually. Anyway, so you became friends, despite your initial disliking"

"Yeah". Sei shook her head and smiled at herself. "She was relentless. No matter how much I rejected her...she just kept looking out for me...in the end...Youko was the one that stood next to me. I felt so alone because the person I loved blindly left me...looking back...she must have felt so alone too...though I was there next to her...I never chose to reciprocate that love"

"But you came around"

" I did..." Sei nodded repetitively, looking away as she fought back the tears. "I...did...college...after three years of her being a constant in my life...she was gone...we went to different schools...I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me...but there was a constant nagging in my heart, you know? Like...like..." Sei gripped her chest and growled to demonstrate the frustration she had. "So I went on everyday with that heavy feeling, we talked a lot...but only on the phone...and everytime we did...that nagging feeling disappeared...and then it came back as soon as I say goodbye...but it was just like that all the time...I was still very stupid and dense...until Christmas of our second year in college, which incidentally is also my birthday...she surprised me...she knocked on my door, and there she was...with an overnight bag...she goddamn invited herself over" Sei chuckled as she remembered that moment.

"_What the hell? Youko! What are you doing here?" _

"_It's Christmas...and I know...you'll be alone again"_

"She assumed I'd be alone and that I needed company", Sei continued her story as Caitlyn listened attentively. "She _always_ makes assumptions"

"Is she always right, though?"

"Most of the time...I guess...yeah...okay...she's always right", Sei conceded. "Her hair was covered in snow. She had been ringing the bell for about 15 minutes...I was asleep...and when I finally woke up and opened the door...she looked so cold and vulnerable...the first time I've seen her like that...all because I sleep like a bear on hibernation...I'm beginning to think I shouldn't sleep at all anymore...anyway...she also looked so cute...shivering like that....I scooped her up and kissed her...in the most intense way I could"

Sei accidentally glanced at the wall clock and groaned. "Shit. It's almost midnight. And I still got work tomorrow"

Caitlyn laughed. "Just when things are heating up"

Sei stood up and left some money on the table "Will you be here tomorrow?"

"Yeah...I work here, remember?"

Sei grinned. "Good...uhm...I'd like to drive you home if you don't mind? This pub is harmless enough...but the streets surrounding it aren't at this hour..it's for my own peace of mind as well"

Caitlyn smirked and arched her eyebrows as a response.

Sei laughed, understanding the other girl's reaction. "I just want to make sure you'll get home safe. I swear I'm not a psycho, nor will I try my charms on you"

"You better not, sweet cheeks. I'm taller than you, and know some mixed martial arts", Caitlyn said with a chuckle. "But thank you, for being concerned...I'll go get my coat"

---

"_What the hell? Youko! What are you doing here?" _

"_It's Christmas...and I know...you'll be alone again"_

_They stood there, face to face, and in one swift motion, Youko was enveloped in Sei's arms, their lips pressed hard on each other. Sei felt her friend's cold skin and brought her back to reality. She broke the kiss but only to pull Youko in, not allowing any second to linger further, as if she had the urgency not to allow the future lawyer to begin rationalizing what was happening. But Youko, being Youko, only needed a moment to bring her bearings back to reality. "Sei...what are you doing?"_

"_What I should've done a long time ago", Sei quickly said, before she returned to kissing the former Rosa Chinensis. _

"_Sei...wait", Youko protested. _

_Sei groaned in frustration. "What?" _

"_Don't...'what' me", Youko retorted. "Don't act like what you're doing is the most obvious thing in the world"_

_Sei shrugged. "you've always had...feelings for me" _

_While there was no hint of arrogance in that statement, Youko felt annoyed nonetheless that it came right out of Sei's mouth. "So you decide to play around those feelings? Your lack of sensitivity amazes me"_

"_W-what? No...I--" _

"_You're not just insensitive...you're cruel...what...you just woke up one morning and decide...'hey, why don't I let Youko taste something she'll never have'? Well, congratulations. Job well done, Satou Sei"_

_Sei grabbed Youko's wrist in order to stop her from walking away. "No! Youko, stop...please" She stood in front of Youko, unsure of what to do next. "I...Youko, you know I'm not capable of processing complicated thoughts like what you just said", Sei half-jested, but when she received no positive response she turned serious. "I missed you...badly"_

_When Youko still offered no response, Sei inched closer and felt her hand trembling as she reached to touch her normally calm, but now severely agitated friend. "Don't...can't we process this later? Just...trust me...when I say I know what I'm doing is right"_

_Both their breathes became erratic. Sei felt Youko stiffen as she moved her head closer to the latter. Sei paused when she was a few centimeters away from Youko, waiting if she will be pushed away again. But when that didn't happen, Sei pressed her lips once more on Youko's. This time, it was softer, gentler, one that had fear of rejection written all over it. A gasp escaped Sei's throat after feeling Youko's hands move up to her nape, and began kissing her back. _

_Sei had never felt more at peace with herself. "So this is really what had been troubling me", Sei thought to herself. _

_Sei could not help but mumble as she kissed Youko deeper. _

_Youko broke the kiss and looked at Sei curiously. "What?"_

"_I said...this is the best kiss I've had ever" _

"_And you have many points of comparison?", Youko quipped with a hint of venom. _

_Sei grinned. "Think of it this way...climbers go from one mountain to another...but they're never satisfied until they've reached the most challenging...and most breathtaking of them all" Sei gazed at Youko's eyes as if it was the only the first time she had seen them. "You're my Mount Everest"_

_Any other person, Youko would've laughed at the lame and cheesy pick up line, but this was Sei-- the only one she had dreamt of having, the only individual whose very presence cause internal turmoil. She looked away as she blushed uncontrollably, much to her frustration, for she was sure that would not escape Sei's observant nature. "_

"_Youko?"_

"_Yes?", Youko replied without looking at her. _

"_Merry Christmas"_

_Youko smiled and finally met Sei's eyes. "Happy Birthday"_

_---_

"So up to now, you can't really figure out what possessed you to do that?"

Sei shook her head. "All I know is that it felt right. The moment I saw her, it felt just damn right...where to?"

Caitlyn pointed to a left corner. "A block after that...so you _never_ really thought about her that way prior to that day?"

"I did...well...like I told you...she had feelings for me...so I can't really say I never thought about the what ifs"

"but that wasn't enough for you to make a move before...here we are...right...that complex"

"No...I was so sure I didn't feel the same...till I became lonely without her meddling in my affairs" Sei parked in front of a posh apartment complex and whistled. "How much does a bartender earn? I should think of switching careers", Sei jested.

Caitlyn chuckled as she gathered her belongings. "Perhaps you'd like to try my old career. It suits you...Anyway, thank you for driving me home safely"

Sei shook her head and grinned. "No...thank you...if it weren't for you, I'd probably be half-conscious by now in a drunken state. You're gonna lose your job if you keep talking to me, and not getting me into drinking more"

"Ah, but you see, I keep the _men_ drinking like crazy, boss won't dream of kicking me out". Caitlyn winked and stepped out of the car. She popped her head inside after closing the door and gazed at Sei affectionately. "You gonna be alright?"

"No", Sei replied in all honesty. "But don't worry, I'm not the type who'd do something stupid. You'll see me walk in that pub again tomorrow night, I promise"

"Good...and don't be such a stingy customer next time, you forgot to give me a tip"

Sei's eyes grew huge out of embarrasment. "Oh God, did it? Shit. I _normally_ don't for--

"Eh, I was just kidding. Where's your sense of humor?"

"Youko accidentally packed it along with her clothes"

"Well. Then you'd have to find a new one"

"I will...Thank you really...for being a friend"

"What makes you think we are?"

"Ouch"

"Sometimes, it's easier to talk to strangers than to people you consider your friends. Let's keep it that way"

Sei chuckled and nodded. "Alright, Irish stranger. I'll be leaving now to cry my head off alone. Good night"

---

Sei slowly opened the door to her apartment. Secretly, she hoped Youko would be there, waiting in the corner of the living room. In the dark, Sei scanned her home, and sighed when she finally gave up on finding a silhouette of that person that once belonged to her. This behavior had been present for days now, and Sei didn't like the feeling that this would become a habit. She prepared herself to sleep on her sofa. Ever since Youko left, she had transferred her sleeping quarters outside her room. She won't lie down on a space meant for two people, only to wake up alone. Sei's tears began to fall as soon as her body relaxed upon lying down. Her thoughts travelled to what Youko said when things began to sink in that Christmas morning.

"_So I'm your Mount Everest, huh?"_

"_Yep"_

"_You know...many people have died because of that mountain"_

"_Are you gonna let me?"_

"_No...no I won't"_

---

R&R :)


	3. Chapter 3: zipper fall

"Damn it." Sei rubbed her temples to ease the splitting headache that had been paralyzing her since she woke up. She reached for her already cold cup of coffee and gulped it down after popping in two Tylenols.

"Hangover?" A concerned co-worker asked.

Sei grimaced then shook her head. "Barely. It's accumulated lack of sleep for days now"

"Can't blame you. Work here lately has been a killer. I heard someone from the other group just resigned"

Sei rested her forehead on her hand. "Great", mumbled Sei as she heard her boss call her through the intercom.

"Good luck"

"Thanks", Sei replied before heading towards her boss's office. She immediately saw that her boss wasn't alone, and felt nerves all over her body. One of their biggest clients was there. "Good morning, Ms. Kimura, you called for me?"

A young looking executive waved and stood up. For Kimura Shinako, a no nonsense advertising executive whose temper was legendary a wave meant good news, thus Sei relaxed a bit. "Yes, yes, come in Sei. Mr. Oshiro, this is Satou Sei. She was the copywriter for your product's campaign"

"Ah, good, good" the old man said, bowing relentlessly at Sei. She winced a bit before glancing at her boss, who motioned through her facial expression that Sei needed to bow too. _Shit, where did my manners go?, _Sei thought to herself before bowing as well. "Mr. Oshiro requested to meet you personally", Shinako explained.

"Yes, yes, that's true", Oshiro interrupted. He was a gentle and kind looking man. An owner of a dying chain of restaurants, who in his last ditch effort, spent most of his personal money on the ad campaign that Shinako and Sei had been working on for more than six months. The gamble paid off, thus, it came as no surprise for Shinako to see him this grateful. she had developed a messiah reputation in the advertising world, and thus, isn't the first time she had been almost worshipped by clients. This was Sei's first job, and first account, and so everything right now felt awkward and surreal. "I wanted to personally thank you for a job well done...and that...to commend you to your superior"

Sei smiled and glanced at Shinako, who gave a satisfied nod. A few minutes of pleasantries, and the once world-weary, now rejuvenated entrepreneur had left, leaving Sei and her boss alone to discuss the implications of thei successful run. "You know what this means, Sei", Shinako said.

Sei however, was clueless and it showed in her expression. Shinako chuckled and patted Sei's back. "It's exactly your sixth month, and by all accounts, qualified for permanency. But more than that, you heard the old man"

"He kind of said a lot of things...repetitively"

Shinako laughed loudly. "Ah, Satou Sei. You truly are my favorite slave as of the moment. You amuse me to no end. A commendation is requested, and I shall give you one. I've just sent a memo to the department head for your promotion"

"What?!" Sei's eyes bulged. "A...a promotion? This early? Not that I'm complaining...of course..."

"You single-handedly revived a company on the brink of bankruptcy with that cheesy ad copies of yours. Profits soared in a month after the campaign was launched, reputation restored..."Shinako enumerated, "oh you know all of these already. Now I can give you the position I've wanted to place you to begin with. No one can say now it's only because we both came from Lilian"

Sei was speechless. From the get go, Shinako made it clear she fought for Sei tooth and nail after a head hunter showed her resume. The infamous ad executive wasted no time offering Sei a position in her group. Sei was fresh out of college and had no idea what she wanted to do after taking up English and American literature as a degree. Being in the advertising world was the last thing Sei thought she'd end up in, but it pays well, and so she immediately accepted the assistant copy writer postion. Shinako, however, grumbled every time she could, making it known that she wanted Sei to be _head_ copywriter. "Those stupid neanderthals obviously don't know talent even if it is shoved at their faces", she always complained about the higher ups. Finally, the endless rant about that apparent issue will stop now.

Sei's head was in the air after leaving the office and could not wait to get to her destination. She ran as fast as she could upon reaching an apartment building. "Come on...come on..." she said to herself, fidgeting while the elevator moved up one floor at a time. "Yes!", she exclaimed after the lift stopped at the 14th. A smile was plastered on her face while she ran again.

"Sei!"

Sei sprang herself to hug Youko. "I love you! Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

Youko was left astonished by Sei's odd behavior. "Why, yes...but--"

"Well, I'm gonna tell you again. I love you soooooo much!" Sei squeezed Youko then kissed her intensely. "You...and I...we're moving together", she said after breaking the kiss.

Youko was rendered speechless. "We are?"

"Yes! Yes we are!", Sei said with glee.

"But Sei...I'm still in school...I can't afford to...I don't have a job" Youko had graduated the same time Sei did, but decided to continue with higher studies in order to broaden her options, and increase her chances of getting in a good law firm. Her parents readily agreed to their overachieving daughter's request and paid for her education, as long as she remained with them. While they could not do anything but accept Youko's relationship with Sei, studying further meant Youko wouldn't think of moving in with Sei, until she could earn her own money. Sei was very much aware of this, and had become one of the primary reasons why she accepted the copy writing job, despite her wanting to be a literary writer. Youko's parents will find every reason to discourage her from being with Sei, and at the very least, the latter would not allow money to be even used as an excuse.

"But I do", Sei replied with a grin.

Youko smiled and brushed away Sei's hair off her face. "I know you do...and I'm proud of you...but that won't be enough for the two of us right now...if you can wait for--"

"What makes you think it's not enough for us?"

"Well, because--" Youko stopped herself and stared curiously at her girlfriend's expression. Sei was grinning like she was on drugs. "You're hiding something from me"

Sei chuckled. "I just got promoted"

"P-promoted? How? Why? I mean, you're new in the company, and yet you've been--"

Sei nodded repeatedly. "Satou Sei, head copywriter. Which means, by the way, that my salary had been almost doubled.", she added with a wink.

Youko's mouth was left agape. "Oh..my god...you're amazing!" She kissed Sei without warning, causing the latter to lose her balance and fall on the floor, bringing Youko along with her. Youko rested her body comfortably on top of Sei. "My parents won't be home for a couple of hours more", she whispered then bit her lip before kissing Sei once more. "See, that won't even come out of your mouth anymore once you and I live together", Sei replied, after she broke the kiss and shifted their positions. "You're mine"

Youko allowed Sei to grip her wrists and place them on top of her head. "It certainly looks that way"

------

"Ms. Satou, the real estate agent was here yesterday and left a message". The doorman handed over a piece of paper with a few words written on it. Sei called up her real estate agent a day after Youko left, and had informed the saleswoman she is putting up her apartment on sale. When Youko agreed two years ago to move in with her, Sei immediately started hunting for a nice apartment with doorman, and stumbled upon a foreclosed loft on the nicer section of Tokyo. Luck was on their side, for it would normally cost her soul and then some more, to purchase apartments like that, but since banks would rather sell foreclosed properties at a losing price rather than keep them as liabilities, Sei was able to bargain her way through it. Sei sold her car and withdrew her parents' graduation money meant to be a nest egg, for down payment so she and Youko could immediately move, and the rest was taken care of her salary.

For Sei, back then, things were as simple as that. And now, two years down the line, she is selling that loft for twice the price she paid for, but still felt like she was on the losing side.

"Thanks!", she said, before rushing towards her car parked in front of the building. Satou Sei, now almost 24, advertising executive. Shinako was pirated a few months ago by a multinational ad agency and Sei became the natural successor of her position after gaining quite a successful reputation herself. She branched out from copy writing to client management, thanks to her affable nature. Clients sought her out, and she did not disappoint.

Sei looked every inch like a young urban professional. She walked with a certain swagger than meant business. Her clothes had a hip vibe to it, and drives around town on a BMW she now hates.

_BMW, Youko...it stands for Be My Wife. _

_Har har. Nothing is sacred for you, Sei. You grate cheese even in cars. _

"You, too, will be sold, babe", Sei said, talking to her car while she revved up the car in full speed. She placed her bluetooth piece in her ear and speed dialed her agent's number. "Got your message, sorry I came home late last night"

"That's alright", the voice on the other end of the phone said. "I have a couple of people interested in buying your apartment"

"Cash?"

"One is"

"Then sell it to him or her, right away"

"Are you sure?"

"I don't care about profiting from this, I just want to get out of this property away from me. Chop, chop"

"Alright, I'll fax the final offer to you, so we can close the deal right away"

"Okay, thanks"

Sei was up unusually early because she needed to drop by the Ogasawara mansion first. Typical of Sachiko to be waiting, as requested, she welcomed Sei awkwardly, unsure of why she called to drop by.

"Good morning, Sei-sama", Sachiko said with a smile. "Would you like to have tea?"

Sei smiled warmly but declined the offer. "I can't stay for long, Sa-chan. Suguru in?'

"No, he's on an out of town...engagement", Sachiko replied with a smirk. Sei chuckled at the context of that statement but refrained herself from commenting, and instead went down to business. "I have in my car the stuff Youko left in my place, can I leave it with you?"

Sachiko frowned and stiffened. "W-what do you mean?"

"Your onee-sama left me. I thought she would have at least informed you"

Sachiko gasped, stunned at the news. "I..no, she did not tell me...but...why? I mean..."

"I'd like to know that myself, Sa-chan" Sei kept a warm expression, as if telling Sachiko _they_ don't have to take sides, nor should they feel that she is planning to put up a distance to anyone connected to Youko. "Anyway, I'm running late. About Youko's things..."

"I'll give them to Onee-sama once she contacts me", Sachiko said. "I...I'm sorry, Sei-sama"

"For?"

"I don't know...I feel I should apologize for her"

"We don't even know why she left me, Sa-chan...don't jump to conclusions"

"Exactly, she left without...I'm just sorry"

"Youko does not do anything spontaneously...I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation for this" _I hope, _Sei added, thinking to herself. "I'll see you around, Sa-chan. And thanks"

Sei was a few meters away when she stopped walking and turned back. "Did she tell you anything?", she asked Sachiko, who in return looked away.

"She...Sei-sama...I don't think I'm in the position to..."

"Sa-chan, you've apologized for _her_ when it's not in your position to do that"

Sachiko sighed heavily. "This is all that she had told me...a week ago to be exact...since then I haven't spoken with her...she..." Sachiko looked like she was in pain and could not bear to continue speaking.

Sei smiled to reassure her that it will be okay. After that, Sachiko nodded and sighed once more before speaking again. "She told me...she wasn't happy anymore..."

Sei frowned was silent for a minute, absorbing what she just heard. "with me?"

"I don't know...I tried to probe deeper...but that was all she said...I'm sorry"

"Not your fault, Sa-chan. Please stop apologizing"

"Sei-sama...she's my onee-sama...but you're also--"

"I know, Sa-chan". Sei grinned and patted Sachiko's shoulder. "You don't have to worry about that, not even for one bit"

Sei walked away for the second time, more confused than ever. _She wasn't happy about what? What did I do, or not do? Shit. _

Sei was gone past the initial denial and shock stage. All that she felt after seeing Sachiko was anger. _You want to stay away from me, Youko? You'll get your wish. _

---

R&R as usual :)


	4. Chapter 4: gripped

"You remember your first time? How it felt?"

"Not really. I was really, _really_, and I mean, really drunk. In fact, looking back, that was pretty much rape, wasn't it?" Caitlyn frowned at her own realization but quickly bounced back to the conversation. "Anyway, why do you want to know?"

Sei looked at Caitlyn as if an alien life form appeared in front of her. "You have just realized you were technically raped, and you act like I just passed the ketchup to you"

"That happened 8 years ago, I'm not going to cry over that, Sei. But don't worry, if I ever come across that eejit again, I'll rip his balls apart and hang 'em at Trafalgar square"

"Whoo. Violent much"

Caitlyn chuckled and gave Sei her usual whiskey and coke. "Who was your first?"

"_Her"_

"Ahh, she-who-shall-not-be-named", Caitlyn said with a chuckle.

Sei scratched her head irritably and sat up. "She was my first...but I wasn't hers"

"This was an issue?"

"Yeah", Sei said. "I mean, she was..." Sei stopped, surprised by her sudden use of the past tense in reference to Youko. "my best friend...she knew everything about me...whether I liked it or not...or whether I wanted to or not...and yet, she failed to tell me something as important as that"

"What makes you think that was important?"

Wide-eyed, Sei looked aghast at Caitlyn's question. "It's sex. How can it not be important?"

Caitlyn saw, for the first time, the innocence and naivety hidden beneath the swagger and bravado that cloaked Sei's personality. "Sei, you're confusing sex with love. Those two don't necessarily go hand in hand, though ideally, it should be", she said softly. "You're making it as if it was a crime on her part"

"I--well...no...it's not...", Sei admitted sheepishly. Her guilty expression said it all, and Caitlyn didn't have to probe further. In hindsight, she may have made it as if Youko owed her an explanation, perhaps that even forced Youko to crawl into her shell and never open up about it, which only fueled Sei's jealousy.

_Sei sat up quietly, attempting to control the overwhelmingly strange sensations that took over her entire body. Youko followed and kissed her naked shoulder. "Sei...what's wrong? What did I do?"_

_"Sei..." Youko said again. She held Sei's chin gently coaxed her girlfriend to look her way. "Sei...talk to me..."_

_Sei stared at her blankly. "Nothing..."_

_Sighing, Youko kissed Sei's neck which brought shivers down the blonde girl's spine. She instinctively jerked her head away, leaving Youko stunned. "Sei...where are you going?", she asked as Sei stood up and put on her robe. _

_"Balcony", Sei replied. _

Caitlyn raised her eyebrows as she saw Sei bring out a disheveled sealed pack of cigarettes from her pocket. "I can smoke here, right?", Sei said defensively while she opened it, and lit up a stick.

_"You're smoking again", Youko berated._

_Sei said nothing as she walked out, leaving Youko alone. _

"Sure you can", Caitlyn replied, eying Sei as she inhaled the smoke for the first time in 3 years. "I just didn't know you smoked"

"Used to", she replied after exhaling.

"And now you've picked up the habit again"

"Never wanted to give it up"

"She made you"

"Damn right", Sei said, while she stared absentmindedly at the stick she was holding. "You smoke?"

"Socially"

A crooked smile came out of Sei's face. She tossed the pack to Caitlyn. "Tonight falls under that, right?"

The Irish bartender chuckled, and took a stick out. "I suppose", she said, as she played around with the cigarette, opting not to light it up yet.

_Sei stormed inside the room after a few seconds, though she stopped short of speaking forcefully after seeing Youko still in the same position when she left the room; naked, desolate and confused. "I...", Sei began. "Why didn't you tell me before?"_

_Youko closed her eyes and rubbed them. "Sei...why is this so important to you?"_

_"Because you hid it from me!", Sei exclaimed, as if the answer was far too obvious for Youko to not have known. _

_"When is it my obligation to tell you everything about me? You...you don't tell me everything about you"_

_"I tell you the important things in my life. Sure, I don't give you the boring details, but Youko? You had sex with...with...a man...or woman...god, I don't even know that"_

_Youko groaned, and stood up. She began dressing up as she spoke. "You do realize we JUST made love, and you're ruining that by bringing this up"_

_"You chose to bring THAT up while you were undressing me, for chrissakes"_

_"Because you asked! You said...Youko, have you done this before? I answered you as honestly as I could...had I known you'd make a production number out of this, I would've just lied"_

_Sei and Youko were now at each other's throats. _

_"I can't believe it just happened weeks ago. Who is this person?!"_

_"Why should I tell you?! Are you really THIS egotistical that you can't possibly imagine I would be attracted to another person? You can't accept that I didn't wait for you?"_

_"Congratulations, Youko. You've managed to turn this on me again", Sei retorted, applauding Youko sarcastically, as exasperatedly resigned and walked away. _

"Horrible first night together", Sei confessed.

"But you've obviously patched things up"

"Patch is the right word", Sei chuckled bitterly. "You know...pretend that there's no damage done...the next day...I came down to apologize for ruining the night"

"But not the reason why the night was ruined?"

"No...I'm not going to apologize for that...I never did...she never saw my point anyway"

"Did you see hers?"

"She hid something like that to me...I don't care about your dichotomy of sex and love...but Youko...I know her...she doesn't see it that way...I don't either..."

"Ah"

"What?"

"Nothing...except I think I just figured you out"

Sei's lips moved into something that vaguely resembled a smile. Caitlyn nodded knowingly and kept silent afterward. It wasn't just the lack of experience next to Youko, Sei had a deeper insecurity that perhaps the young Japanese woman is not even aware of.

"You thought she was in love with someone else...because she wouldn't have sex with someone whom she didn't have strong feelings for", the Irish girl finally said.

"Right", Sei replied.

"But assuming you're right...that shouldn't have mattered because she was in love with you as well"

"Loving two things...it's never right...the heart...it's not meant to multitask...that's why it goddamn gives up when it carries a lot of burden...and because it's like that...something's got to give...you're made to choose", Sei said seriously. Her expression became dark as she mumbled lowly, "and when it comes down to choosing between me and something else...". Sei stopped herself from going down _that _part of her life again. She shook her head and took a sip from her glass.

Caitlyn rested her chin on her palm and smiled sympathetically. "I hate to break this up, but I have to tell you, there is an unusually tall girl looking your way"

Sei frowned and turned around. "Rei?"

"Sei...I wasn't too sure it was you", Rei smiled as she walked towards Sei's booth. She subtly looked Caitlyn's way and nodded curtly to acknowledge her presence.

"What're you doing here?"

"I'm suppose to meet up with a bunch of my friends...they should be coming in a few minutes"

"I see..." Sei said, unsure whether she's happy to see Rei tonight, but decided it would not be rude to excuse herself since the latter has company expected. "Caitlyn, this is Rei...she was a batch lower than me in high school...Rei, this is Caitlyn...she's the bartender here"

"Bartenders can be tabled now?", Rei retorted.

Sei frowned. "I suggest you take that back and apologize--"

"Sei, there's no need", Caitlyn said softly, smiling at her blonde friend. "I will excuse myself for a while, and let you two talk this out"

Sei waited for Caitlyn to be away from eavesdropping distance before she lashed it out on Rei. "Care to explain your acerbic tongue?"

Rei sighed. "Sachiko told me about you and Youko...and then I see you here with a stunningly gorgeous girl--"

"Hold it, just right there, Rei. I know you're concerned and I appreciate that...but...considering you perhaps know the nature of my separation with Youko...then honestly, I can fuck around with abandon, because I'm not the guilty party here...so don't look at me with such a disappointed glare"

Rei sighed once more. "Have it your way, Sei...but if I were you...instead of moping around here...why don't you go look for her and fix things up"

Sei shrugged. "She's not a child. She left me, and if she wants to, she'll come back...I won't beg for her return"

Sachiko's words ran deep in her memory. _She's not happy_

"I won't beg", Sei repeated more to herself than for Rei. "I'm gonna have to go now, Rei"

She stood up and walked towards Caitlyn. "I'm taking you home"

"Again? But--"

"No buts", Sei said, grabbing Caitlyn's wrist and dragged her out, while Rei looked on.

"Satisfied?", Caitlyn said after they left the pub. "You think this will reach Youko?"

"Whatever the hell you mean?", Sei asked while they continued to walk towards the parking lot.

Caitlyn chuckled. "She obviously had impressions about us"

"Don't care", Sei said. She turned around and kissed Caitlyn. The shock left the latter incapable of reacting immediately. When the kiss finally broke, Sei spoke, "Come on, let's test that dichotomy of yours"

"Excuse me?"

"You know what I mean"

"Yes, I know what you mean. I'm wondering what kind of devil possessed you while I was gone?"

"Sex doesn't have to be with love, right?", Sei asked, ignoring Caitlyn's statement. "It can be done for some other utility in mind, right?"

"Yes, but..."

"I don't want to be alone". Sei's voice broke as she said those words.

Caitlyn walked towards Sei slowly and hugged her. "You won't have to, tonight"


	5. Chapter 5: Traverse

Sei woke up with a stiff back. Groaning, she stood up and oriented herself to an unfamiliar environment. "And a good morning to you too", Caitlyn chirped.

Scratching her head and stretching, Sei looked every inch like a cat whose nap was interrupted. "Shit. What time is it?"

"Nine. breakfast is ready by the way"

"Your sofa isn't very comfortable", Sei complained.

"It was already here when I came in", Caitlyn explained defensively. "Besides, you practically imposed yourself last night, so don't even be fussy about it"

Chuckling, Sei stood up without making a single comment, afraid to be thrown out in the morning. She headed towards the bathroom located inside Caitlyn's bedroom. Satisfied with her shower, Sei stepped out, headed towards the Irish girl's drawer and raided the latter's wardrobe. "I'm borrowing this top!", she shouted.

"Take whatever you want", Caitlyn replied from the kitchen.

"Does that permission include jewelry?"

"Sure. I never said anything about not putting you to jail after"

"Har har..." Sei's attention shifted to a bunch of picture frames messily placed on top of the dresser. She smiled lopsidedly as she found a very young Caitlyn in a Catholic girl's uniform with what appeared to be her parents. Beside it is a photo with a group of equally beautiful women, whom Sei concluded were probably models as well. Tucked in the corner was a photo of Caitlyn and a baby. The former was beaming in front of the camera, albeit an obvious awkwardness in holding the infant. She picked up the frame and took a closer look. "Who's the baby?"

"That...was my daughter", Caitlyn replied flatly.

"Was", Sei repeated. She carefully placed the frame back and stepped outside the room. She knew she wandered on unfamiliar and potentially sensitive territory.

"She died...a few months after I gave birth", she said without as much as looking at Sei. She concentrated on reading the newspaper in front of her.

"Why?"

"Congenital heart disease...", she said, finally looking up, and taking a sip from her coffee mug. "it takes years to wait for donors..and well...even if she had a transplant, the probability of survival for people her age would've been close to nil"

Sei opened and closed her mouth, unsure what to say, or to do.

Caitlyn smiled to reassure Sei that she's fine. "She should've been five by now. It was unfortunate...but things go on the way it should be"

"What about your parents? Where are they?"

"Six feet under"

Sei almost choked on her breakfast at the information.

Caitlyn laughed at Sei's reaction. "Car accident. I tell you, I've got enough tragedy to last me a lifetime"

"How can you be so...so...nonchalant about these things?"

"Who says I am? I just happen to recover very quickly"

Sei chuckled and shook her head. "You make my life's problems sound so pathetic"

"Well", Caitlyn replied with a smirk. "It's good to put things in perspective. The things that happened in my life...I can't do anything about it. Can't make the dead resurrect. Yours, on the other hand, my brokenhearted Juliet, can be easily remedied"

Sei sighed heavily and shook her head once more, this time, in defiance. She remembered something and frowned. "I've got to go to my apartment. The buyer will be there in a couple of hours. You wanna go with me? See if I'm being duped?"

"You've gotten yourself a new place already?"

"No...not really...if I can't find anything within the week...I'll stay in a hotel for a while", Sei replied, sounding dejected.

"This is my cue to say, why don't you stay here temporarily?"

"Hah! I knew that will work on you. Thanks!", Sei exclaimed triumphantly, pumping her fist for added flair.

Caitlyn she rolled her eyes. "Not another word about my sofa, clear?"

_---_

_Sei fidgeted around Caitlyn's apartment, while the latter looked on bemusedly. "So, are you...gonna start taking off my clothes?", Caitlyn asked, in an almost chuckling voice. _

_Sei bit her lip and eyed the other girl nervously. "I...guess?" She moved forward and breathed in as she held her trembling hand close to Caitlyn's blouse. _

_Sei felt the other girl's hand hold her wrist. "Stop", Caitlyn whispered. "Don't do this...you'll only feel bad afterward" She hugged Sei and patted her back, "you're a good kid...don't ruin that"_

_"Did you get your veteran's pay already, grandma?", Sei retorted between sobs. _

_"I may just be a few years older than you, Sei...but I've gone through hell and back already...you on the other hand...you've only just begun to live and discover who you are", Caitlyn said. "Come here" She guided Sei to the sofa and got out a few bottles of beer from the refrigerator. "Like I said...you're not going to be alone tonight", she said while she handed Sei a bottle of beer. _

_---_

"And you're impressed with my apartment?", Caitlyn asked. "Yours is probably twice in value than mine"

"Foreclosed amount", Sei replied curtly, refusing to go back to the memory of why and how it was found. Caitlyn got the message and kept quiet as they moved up the lift. They were welcomed by Sei's real estate agent and a couple that was introduced as newly-weds. They loved the apartment and location so much that they were willing to buy it at any amount Sei threw at them.

"That didn't seem please you much", Caitlyn observed. "Lots of people would go 'whoopie!' at that purchase"

"I'm just glad that's out of my hands now", Sei said sadly. "Where to?"

"What do you mean, where to? I'm heading back to do some groceries. You eat a lot"

"You really make me feel so welcomed"

"That _is_ my welcome. I'm actually buying food for you. Stop being so damn sensitive"

"Fine, fine. I'll go wherever you go. I've got nothing better to do"

---

"We shouldn't be doing this...this is wrong", Yumi whispered while she, Yoshino, and Sachiko surreptitiously followed Sei and a mystery girl along the isles inside the grocery.

"Yes", Sachiko agreed, then frowned. "I can't shake the feeling that this has happened before...like in a dream...and it ended in a disaster"

"What could go wrong?" Yoshino asked.

"Well...we could misinterpret her actions", Sachiko said.

"Onee-sama...I'm sorry that I have to put you up with this on our date", Yumi said, scowling at Yoshino.

"Listen, it's fate, alright? I bumped into the two of you here, on your _date", _Yoshino said playfully, which made Yumi and Sachiko blush. "And then...we found her here with that uber gorgeous western girl. Fate"

Yumi looked at Sachiko and sighed in defeat. "What I don't understand is...why is she going grocery-shopping with that woman?"

"And using one cart...which means...", Yoshino added.

"No...can we stop making conclusions?" Sachiko berated, though a hint of annoyance was already coming out, not to the younger girls, but with Sei. "Sei-sama has a lot of friends", she said, in an attempt to convince herself.

"Uh-huh, and when was the last time you went out shopping for instant noodles with my cousin?", Yoshino retorted.

"I...well...", Sachiko said in defeat.

"That's because Onee-sama doesn't go shopping at all", Yumi said in Sachiko's defense.

"Why do you still call her Onee-sama anyway? Is that suppose to be kinky?"

"No!", exclaimed Yumi and Sachiko in unison.

"Hey, hey. Don't be so defensive...I mean...Sachiko and Suguru are cousins...so are Rei and I...I'm not the one to judge", Yoshino chuckled.

In the midst of their argument, they failed to notice Sei and Caitlyn make a sharp turn and ended up bumping into their empty cart.

"Uhhh", Yumi said, in an almost frozen expression.

"Yumi-chan, Sa-chan, Yoshino-chan", Sei said. She leaned closer to Caitlyn and whispered, "Honorifics are not really efficient, are they?"

Caitlyn snickered and looked down, avoiding eye contact with the people in front of them.

"Eh, this is Caitlyn. Caitlyn, they are my former school mates. They're also friends with Rei, that tall girl we saw in the pub"

"Ah...I see", Caitlyn replied. She waved at the three girls and grinned.

The girls waved back automatically and had fake grins plastered all over them, except Sachiko, whom, as Sei expected maintained a calm demeanor. "Sa-chan", Sei said with a warm smile. "You know something about watches and jewelry, do you?"

Sachiko smiled and nodded. "Yes, of course...there's one next block"

"Ehhh..." Yumi protested.

"Why don't you, and Yoshino, correct?" Caitlyn remarked. "join me for some tea or coffee first while Sei shops around?"

"That's fine with me", Yoshino said with a smirk.

Sighing, Yumi joined Yoshino and Caitlyn to the counter while Sei and Sachiko headed outside.

"Sei-sama", Sachiko said as soon as they stepped out. "Onee-sama already dropped by to get her things from me"

"That's good" Sei said. "But I didn't ask you to go with me to talk about her...I really am intending on buying something for Caitlyn"

Sachiko glanced at Sei sadly. "Is...is she--"

"No, she's not. Christ, Sa-chan...you think I'm like that?"

"No...not at all...I was hoping she wasn't..." Sachiko said in relief. "But, who is she, anyway? Rei told me..."

"Rei jumped into conclusions. And I _hate_ it when people jump into conclusions and meddle in my affairs"

"Are you sure you're speaking about Rei?", chided Sachiko.

"I _am", _Sei insisted. "Anyway, to answer your question, Caitlyn's a friend, that's all she is. She's a bartender, which I'm sure Rei has already mentioned...she's Irish...recently divorced...I'll be bunking in her apartment since I just sold mine and I haven't found a new place...what else do you need to know about her?"

"How long have you known her?"

"Right after your onee-sama left me"

"That's not too long ago"

"Right"

Sachiko sighed and faced Sei. "Yet you're going to stay in her place? You could've asked me...there's obviously space for you--"

"Sa-chan", interjected Sei. "I know I have choices...and don't think I didn't count you... thing is...I don't want you to be caught in between me and Youko...I don't want anyone to be...not you, not Yumi-chan, not anyone else"

Sachiko nodded, fully understanding Sei's point of view. "She was very hurt that you just packed her things and left it with me"

"Oh, she's _hurt_ by that, isn't she? What did she expect me to do?"

"I...don't know...I'm just surmising from the way she looked at her things...especially when a picture frame fell...there was a photo of you and her"

"I don't need reminders of the happy days, Sa-chan"

Sachiko breathed in and held Sei's wrist. "Sei-sama, you're being very stubborn about this", she said sternly, not breaking her gaze at Sei.

Sei merely chuckled. She would never raise her temper at Sachiko. "Of course you know what it means to be stubborn"

That remark was met with a scowl. "Sei-sama, honestly. Stop hiding behind that fox-like grin"

Sei's expression turned dark and sighed heavily. "What do you want me to do?"

"Talk to her...I could--"

"Sure", Sei immediately responded. "Soon", she added before heading towards the watch shop. "Help me out, will you", she muttered, pointing to a row of designer watches.

Sachiko gazed at Sei sadly, but silently agreed to shift the mood already. With Sei, as with her, things can never forced. Changes can only happen little by little, and this is no exception. Her onee-sama, it seems, is just cursed to being drawn towards stubborn people.

---

"She's mad..."

_"Understandably..."_

".she's... maybe beyond mad...onee-sama"

----

A/N: Okay, definitely not the best chapter. You can lash it out if you want to. Not to reach the point of updating for the sake of updating, but I simply don't want to lose momentum since I've got a gazillion things to do for school and work.

Thank you for your comments and reviews, especially to the regular ones. Everyone else lurking around, you sneaky ones. Hit the review button and help me out improve on my writing :)


	6. Chapter 6: Belay

_"She's mad..."_

_"Understandably..."_

_"She's... maybe beyond mad...Onee-sama", Sachiko said in an almost pleading voice. She bent over and helped Youko pick up a box that Sei left behind. Youko paused for a bit but remained silent. She then stood up and carried a box, but the haphazard manner Sei packed the boxes became too obvious as the bottom gave way. _

_Youko knelt down and picked up several books, while Sachiko attempted to fix the flimsy cardboard. The latter's attention shifted when she heard Youko sigh heavily, and saw the older girl hold a picture frame of her and Sei. Peering subtly, Sachiko saw a photo of Sei and Youko, taken perhaps in one of their out of country travels. Sei's arms wrapped around Youko's waist, with the former's chin resting on the latter's shoulder, grinning like there was no tomorrow. _

_"She used to be so...", Youko mumbled. _

_Sachiko waited for Youko to continue but got nothing afterward. "Onee-sama..."_

_Youko smiled bitterly and shook her head. "I used to always wake up with a text message from her...'you're the sole reason why I'm up and about'...She used to be so...sweet", she finally said, finding the courage to admitting it to herself. Youko was never one to carry her heart on her sleeve. Sei, on the other hand, had no qualms of showering her with affection. _

_"You miss her sweetness, don't you?", Sachiko asked. _

_Youko half-smiled and nodded. "I do...I've been missing it for the longest time"_

_Sachiko frowned, confused over her onee-sama's answer, but opted not to ask further. Instead, she quietly packed the remaining things that fell, and picked up the box. _

_"Thank you", Youko said. "I can take care of the rest"_

_Sachiko nodded and walked towards Youko's car. Youko followed her with another box at hand. "She said, this is everything I have?"_

_"Yes"_

_"Sa-chan...are you mad at me?", Youko finally asked. She had been feeling a cold welcome from Sachiko, but was not sure how to bring that up, if at all, she should bring it up. _

_Sachiko turned away in response. "I...don't know, Onee-sama...You should've seen her...I have never seen her look so...lost...hurt, and confused...I don't think it...it was...it was fair for you to have--"_

_"Because I don't look lost, hurt, and confused?", Youko asked in a rather harsh tone. _

_Sachiko bit her lip and gazed at her guiltily. _

_Youko closed her eyes and shook her head. Sighing, she held Sachiko's hand, and pulled her closer to a hug. "There are so many things that had happened between Sei and I...things that I don't think I am in the proper disposition to tell you as of the moment....but for now...can you...can you please try not to hate me?"_

_Sachiko held Youko tight and nodded. "I'm sorry Onee-sama...I don't hate you...I don't even think I'm mad at you...I just...I'm sorry..."_

---

Sachiko carefully examined Sei as she spoke formally with the saleslady.

_"You miss her sweetness, don't you?", Sachiko asked. _

_Youko half-smiled and nodded. "I do...I've been missing it for the longest time"_

Sachiko recalled Youko's words. And it was only now that she had somehow understood them. How many times has she witnessed Youko groan in frustration whenever Sei flirted shamelessly with salesladies, waiters, and bartenders, every time she was invited by the former couple to go out. "When did Sei-sama become so...stand-offish?", she muttered to herself. "Sure, she was a loner when we were a lot younger..I've witnessed that myself...but...this is different...", Sachiko continued to observe Sei's haughty demeanor. "Is this what Onee-sama meant?"

"Done", said Sei. "Let's go back". Sei waved her palm in front of Sachiko's face. "Sa-chan, are you still with me?"

"Huh? Oh, yes, I'm sorry", Sachiko replied as she snapped back to reality.

Sei was, however, half convinced of Sachiko's smile. "I will speak with her soon, Sa-chan", she said, reassuring Sachiko as much as convincing herself to really do it.

"Sei-sama...I didn't mean to force you, I just..."

"Don't be apologetic...I know you're well-meaning about this", Sei sighed.

Sachiko looked down sadly, _Something's got to give, Sei-sama, _Sachiko thought. _I only hope it won't be too late for the two of you. _

---

The next few weeks became too hectic for Sei. Crucial presentations for certain clients were met, though at the expense of sleep, nourishment, and rest. Oddly, this was welcomed by Sei with a smile on her face and a song in her heart. Work, became an escapist route for her in the beginning, but this, together with bunking in Caitlyn's place, have developed to be the new sense of normalcy for her. Caitlyn had become a pseudo-sister to her, and she so while she had all opportunities to move out, she decided to stay, with the Irish girl not minding at all. Though guilty at the very least, she had avoided contacting Sachiko, who never failed to remind her the need to reconnect with Youko. Sei was sick and tired of having to give false promises to Sachiko, thus, silence and distance were the best things she could offer right now.

_I know I'm being immature and stubborn about this, Sa-chan. But..._Sei thought to herself as she darted her way past several people in the office. A very important presentation was about to start, and this could make or break her career. Whatever were her next thought, had been interrupted by the presence of four top executives from the country's top electronics company that had hired the agency to work on its ad campaign. _Damn, _Sei thought to herself. She breathed in and walked inside the conference room mustering all the courage and confidence she had.

"Good morning, gentlemen", she said steadily. "Shall we begin?"

---

All she could remember were three things. Applause, then it turned pitch-black, and finally she heard a thump--presumably why her head is hurting so much. Sei peered slowly to try and get the feel of her surroundings. _Hospital, _she thought. There's a certain distinct scent in hospitals that she hated, and that's exactly what gave her location away. She groaned then attempted to shift her body's position only to be stopped by a pair of hands.

"Don't force yourself, here let me--"

"I can do it", Sei said, realizing whose voice it belonged to.

Youko hesitated. Biting her lower lip, she stepped back and sat on the chair next to the hospital bed, quietly watching Sei grimace as she sat up a bit.

"You fainted", Youko said, breaking the silence. "and apparently hit your head on the end of someone's table, thus the concussion"

"The more curious part is why are you here?"

Youko shrugged her shoulders "Someone from your office called me. Guess I'm written as the person to contact in case of emergency"

Sei frowned. She had forgotten about that. "Yeah, I'll have that changed soon, so you won't be bothered next time. Sorry about this. I'm alright now. You can leave"

Deliberately ignoring the last part, Youko spoke softly, conceding defeat that she can't be at par with Sei's sniffy side. "I don't mind...I just hope there won't be a next time...are...are you taking care of yourself?"

"Yeah, I--" Sei was interrupted by a phone's muffled ringing.

Youko stood up and got Sei's pocketbook. "It's been ringing for a few times now"

"Thanks", Sei replied. "Shit", she mumbled after seeing the caller ID and the time displayed on her phone.

"Where the fuck are you, Satou Sei?!", Caitlyn shouted on the other end. "I've been calling for ages!"

"Calm down, Irish", Sei said. "I'm in the hospital. I--damn, stop yelling, yeah, well". Sei sighed then winced as Caitlyn's voice resonated beyond the phone's receiver. Youkostepped out of the room to give Sei privacy, but more than that, she wasn't quite sure how she felt hearing a girl's voice scream in panic over Sei.

_I'll have that changed soon, so you won't be bothered next time. _Youko pursed her lips as she closed the door behind and leaned against it. "Is she my replacement? That fast, huh? You always were a flirt, Sei"

---

_Youko waited in the dark, for Sei to return home. It was late, and Sei kept apologizing through text message, saying that she was caught up in work. Youko slumped back and gripped a small note she was holding in her hand and waited for Sei to finally enter their home. _

_A few minuted later and Youko heard footsteps that were by now so familiar. She waited without as much as stir from where she was seated. _

_"Youko? I'm home", Sei said, in an apologetic voice. "I'm sorry I'm late..." When she heard no movement, Sei immediately switched on the light and found Youko glaring at her. _

_Sei, weirdly found it endearing, whenever Youko acted petulantly, and this was no exception. She walked towards Youko. "Do you have any idea how cute--"_

_"Stop", Youko emphatically said. _

_Sei was taken aback and literally stood frozen to where she was standing. _

_Youko stood up and walked slowly towards Sei. It happened by a split second, but that moment felt like an eternity, as Youko's palm met Sei's cheek violently. _

_Sei's eyes grew big but remained motionless, failing to process what just happened. _

_Youko's hand began trembling. She threw the piece of paper. "Tell me. Does work include sleeping with your colleagues?"_

_Sei suppressed a gasp. She quickly picked up the paper and read what was written in it. "Youko, I don't know what--"_

_"You're just the sweetest, Sei. I'll never forget what happened tonight between us. Yours, Hitomi" Youko recited the contents, apparently committing them to memory. "Hitomi, she's your colleague, isn't she?"_

_"Yes, but--"_

_"I found it in your jacket, you wore last night. You came home almost past midnight. What happened, Sei?! Tell me!!!"_

_"Nothing happened, Youko!!! I don't know what this note is all about!!! "_

_"Oh sure", Youko replied. "How convenient it is for you to say that"_

_"There's nothing convenient about working late and then being accused of cheating"_

_Youko shook her head repetitively. "You still haven't explained why this note ended up in your jacket"_

_"Like I said, I. Don't. Know"_

_"Flirting wasn't enough?!"_

_"Youko!", Sei exclaimed. "I did not! Cheat on you!"_

_"I've always felt that you could never contain yourself when people flirt with you. You never realized how hurtful it was that you'd do it in front of me--"_

_"I--"_

_"Shut up, Sei!" Youko said, walking away from Sei, but the latter got hold of her wrist and pulled her back. _

_"Don't you dare walk away from me", Sei muttered in between gritted teeth. _

_"Watch me", Youko replied in equal ferocity. _

_---_

"No", Youko muttered to herself, refusing to remember the things that have happened after that. When she heard no muffled sound coming from the room, she knocked gently and asked Sei if she could come in already.

"Yeah, sure", Sei replied. "Caitlyn's on her way here, I'm sorry again for the bother"

Youko nodded, picked up her bag, and slowly turned away. "Who's Caitlyn?", she suddenly asked, but berated herself mentally for having done that.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. She's my friend. I'm currently staying at her place, while I'm looking for a new apartment near my office"

Youko, though she hated to admit it, felt a sigh of relief begging to come out because of that answer. Her head slowly turned towards Sei's direction, and watched the latter unconsciously make funny faces while in pain, as she gently rubbed her noggin. For a brief moment, Youko was transported back to Lillian. She had fallen in love with Sei, right about the time the latter fell feverishly infatuated with Shiori. But it was when Yumi Fukuzawa came into their lives that Youko fell in love with Sei for the second time. A different Sei came into the picture, a Sei that gave so much life in Youko; from the way she teased, to her oblivion towards her own behavior. And now Sei's doing that again--being cute without knowing, and trying.

"Sei...I..."

"Yeah?"

Youko shook her head and smiled. "Nothing...I'll...go now...bye"

"Youko?"

Youko stopped on her heel and turned around. "Yes?"

"Thanks...and uhm, well, yeah, thanks"

"It's nothing", Youko replied.

"Youko?"

"Hmm?"

"Uhm, Caitlyn screamed her ass off at me for being in the hospital, because well, it's my fault that I haven't taken care of myself, despite her constant nagging. And so...", Sei scratched her head and grimaced, which made Youko smile a bit. "That crazy woman won't be coming here to keep me company...and so...err.."

"Okay..." Youko replied, and walked towards Sei again. She sat down next to the bed and turned on the television.

"Thanks"

"You're welcome"

---


	7. Chapter 7: Black Ice

Youko woke up due to what felt like a mild whiplash on her neck. She had fallen asleep on the chair. Rubbing her neck, her attention fell on the patient lying down on the hospital bed. Youko carefully moved the chair close enough to rest her chin on the side of the bed. She stared at Sei's face , angelic as always when she's peacefully sleeping. Her hand began moving involuntarily, out of habit, to brush aside the hair that fell on Sei's face. The movement caused Sei to stir a bit, but not enough to wake her up.

A twisted smile escaped Youko's face. "You sleep like a bear, Sei", she whispered. And when no answer came about, Youko whispered again, this time with much seriousness and affection. "Why do I keep falling in love with you? Again...and again...and again"

Youko sighed and held Sei's hand. "Why did you have to love me back, when I was so safe in my hiding place?"

---

_Youko stood nervously in front of Sei's door, an hour after her lunch with Sachiko. She could not tell Sachiko what happened the night before. It was the first time she and Sei made love, and the night ended in a very bad note. All because of a careless decision. _

_She looked like Sei, and acted like her. That girl, Youko's classmate, could might as well be called Sei's doppelganger. The difference back then, a few weeks before Sei kissed her unexpectedly, was that girl gave Youko so much attention. Only a twig would not have felt flattered, and drawn towards that kind of attention. Youko resigned to the fact that she could never have the real thing. Compounded by Youko's knowledge of Sei's serial dater reputation, the soon to be lawyer felt that she was at the lowest point of her life. She found herself using the girl as a poor substitute. For a few weeks, she kept coming back to that girl, with sex as the only reason. Every single time, it was Sei in her mind. Guilt-ridden, Youko broke it up before she could get entrenched with the partnership she had with that girl. _

_Truth reared its ugly head. A few days ago, to be exact. Youko, now, was experienced with regard to physical intimacy, and it showed. Sei, being one of the most perceptive people she had ever known, saw through her. But nothing would make Youko admit to having used another person because of her own feelings for Sei. _

_She could hear Sei's footsteps getting louder by the second. Youko was prepared for the worst. _

_"Youko", Sei said with a guilty, and apologetic expression. "Come in" _

_Sei stood right in front of Youko, her eyes downcast. "I'm...sorry...I--"_

_Without saying a word, and not wanting to keep the discussion further, Youko threw herself at Sei and planted a kiss on Sei's lips. "I missed you", she said after breaking it. _

_Sei pursed her lips and nodded. "I missed you too". _

_Upon hearing Sei's words, Youko kissed her again with much more passion than the first time. She began unbuttoning Sei's shirt slowly, and carefully, waiting for Sei's reaction. When Sei continued to kiss her, Youko took it a sign that the former had let go of the problem. Sei's breathe became sharper as Youko took full control of the situation. Sei allowed herself to be coaxed towards the sofa, straddled on top by Youko. _

_Sei broke the kiss, and gazed at Youko. "I'm yours", she muttered with a weak smile and a faint blush. _

_---_

"Hey you..."

Youko snapped back to reality as soon as she heard a mumble. "Hey you back", she replied. She sat up and once again, instinctively brushed off the hair that fell on Sei's face. "Feeling better?"

"Yes, thank you". Sei tried to suppress a yawn, eliciting a giggle from Youko. "What's so funny?"

"You are", Youko smirked.

"I think you're the one with a concussion", Sei said, frowning

"Perhaps", was Youko's enigmatic answer. "You should get some rest again"

Sei nodded, then asked, "what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Aren't you going to rest yet?"

"You're the bedridden one. Don't worry about me"

Sei scrunched up her face. "But I always worry about you", she muttered quickly before turning her back against Youko and covered her whole body with blanket, before the latter could say anything in return.

Youko opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out, except a whimper-like sound. She ended up sighing, before resting her head once more on the side of the bed. "And I'm falling once again", she said to herself sadly.

She suddenly felt Sei's hand running on her hair. This went on for a few seconds before she felt Sei's weight shift. Moving her head up, Youko came face to face with Sei. But before Sei could reach down and kiss her, Youko jerked a bit and softly said, "No, Sei".

Before she could explain, Sei quickly nodded, grinned, then turned away again. "Good night, Youko".

No matter how subtle it was, Youko heard the slight tremble in Sei's voice. "Sei...", she said, but no reply came about. "Sei, I know you're not yet sleeping", she continued, gripping the blonde girl's shoulder. "Sei"

"Yeah?", a small voice replied.

"Earlier, I--"

"I'm sorry"

"What?"

"I said...I'm sorry", Sei repeated, refusing to turn around, keeping her face burrowed under two pillows.

"That's not what--"

"It won't happen again"

There was something about the way Sei says things. She's never bitter when she apologizes, and she's never insincere when she praises. But ever since that one bitter night when Youko found a note that she took as evidence for Sei's infidelity, Sei's apologies became mechanical. _"I'm sorry, Youko. It won't happen again"_

Can she be blamed? After forgiving Sei, every minute detail became magnified for Youko. In effect, she was punishing Sei, until it backfired. Sei became submissive, following every order and decision coming from Youko, without question--always ready to admit a mistake, and apologize. There was no drawing out of Sei's thoughts, nor feelings anymore, despite Youko's change in strategy and approach. She had even once clearly spoke to Sei about forgiving that indiscretion, in hopes that the latter would finally open up, but Sei simply nodded and thanked her, and once again reiterated that, "it won't happen again".

Youko withdrew herself from Sei and sat on the sofa that was positioned directly in front of Sei's hospital bed. Rubbing her temples out of frustration, Youko eventually stood up and left the room, with the intention to come back in the morning.

Perhaps she shouldn't have left. That was Youko's immediate thought upon returning early morning. As soon as she opened the door, the sight of a tall, blonde, and sexy girl greeted her senses that made her heart palpitate out of jealousy as if she had taken three shots of espresso. "Hi", Caitlyn hushed. "Sei woke up earlier, but fell asleep again,come in"

Youko walked towards Caitlyn, who was busy filling out hospital forms. "I got guilty last night for abandoning her, so I slipped by an hour ago"

Youko remained standing, her eyes going back and forth to Sei and Caitlyn. Sei woke up with this girl probably beside her, where in it should've been here. Yes, Sei said last night that this girl is just a friend, but she failed to mention how gorgeous this woman is. And who is to say, Sei is telling the truth? She had strayed once. And worse, they're actually living together, so the chances of--. Youko shook her head and tried to brush the ill feeling aside. "You must be Caitlyn..."

"Oh, silly me. Yes, sorry, I'm Caitlyn...you're Youko, right? The nurse came in a few minutes ago, and left this form to be filled up by you. But you weren't here, so I thought I could fill it in with some details that I know of. Here" Caitlyn blabbered, before giving the form and pen to Youko.

"She'll be out today, the doctor said", Caitlyn continued, oblivious of any effect she had on Youko.

"That's good", Youko mumbled, while she filled up the remaining blank areas in the form. It was taking her some time to accomplish the task, for in the corner of her eye, Youko could see Caitlyn, busily tucking Sei inside the blanket.

"You poor thing. I told you to take care of yourself", Caitlyn spoke to a sleeping Sei.

"What happened?", Youko asked.

Caitlyn sighed as she stared at Sei whose exhaustion clearly showed in her face. "Fanatically workaholic. Heaven knows I've nagged her enough to last a lifetime. But she said she was on a project that could make or break her career. Well...there ya go. She made her career, but almost broke her skull in the process"

"No work is worth her health", Youko added.

"Yeah, pretty much how I tried to convince her. But", Caitlyn sighed. "Blondie over there is as stubborn as a mule"

Youko gave out a weak smile in agreement. "Uhm...I'm sorry if this may come out rude, but have we met before?"

"No, I met Sei after she and you, uh..."

Youko nodded, that was the confirmation she was looking for. "How did you two..."

"I'm a bartender, in this pub she frequents"

"Ah..."

Caitlyn sensed the awkward environment that suddenly enveloped the room. She remembered that tall girl, Rei, who looked every inch ready to punch the lights out of her. The news must've reached Youko, and the line of questioning was only a ploy to confirm her existence.

"So you and Sei..."

"There's no Sei and I", Caitlyn responded. "She bunks in my apartment, that's all. We're friends. "

Youko looked down, feeling embarrassed that Caitlyn saw right through her immediately.

In came a breather, as Sei's doctor entered the room. "Sei, how are you?"

Sei grunted and stirred before opening her eyes. "Mmph"

The doctor smiled then moved on to check vital signs. He then proceeded to read the medical results of Sei's injury. "Well, nothing out of the ordinary. Just a few days of rest without work should do the trick. I'm prescribing some iron-based vitamins for you, to address your anemia though"

"You're anemic?", Caitlyn asked. Sei winced at Caitlyn's icy glare.

"Well, she had no history of it, so it must've developed only recently. Sei, I'm not a psychologist, but I have been your internist for the longest time, and so I must advise you to perhaps have a change of employment. Your stress and exhaustion seem to be rooted there"

Sei slumped over and mumbled, "Yes, uncle"

"Uncle?", both Youko and Caitlyn asked and looked at each other.

The doctor ruffled Sei's hair and nodded. "Good girl, now if you do just that, I will hold the doctor-patient confidentiality. Otherwise, I might accidentally tell your parents about this"

Sei's face crumpled like a petulant seven year old. "Yes, uncle"

"Well, Sei-chan", Caitlyn snickered after the doctor left. "You better be an obedient patient, or else the nice uncle-doctor will use the injection on you"

"Shut up"

"Try me", Caitlyn laughed, while Sei groaned in frustration.

"Fine, I'll be nice, since you'll be the one to take care of poor sick me"

"Uhm, on the contrary"

"Eh?"

"I'll be gone for a couple of weeks"

"What? Why?"

"Ex-husband. I know, he always has perfect timing"

"What about him?", Sei grunted, then crossed her arms. "Don't tell me you've decided to take him back?"

Caitlyn sniggered. "No, not at all. He finally responded to my divorce papers. So, my lawyer contacted me, and I apparently have to appear in court to give some testimony on his infidelity"

"Fine, leave me alone in the midst of tragedy", Sei chuckled.

"That's the spirit", Caitlyn replied. "I have to go now. I seriously can't wait to taste freedom found in a divorced status"

"Well, good luck", Sei said.

Youko observed in silence, the interaction between the two, and felt a pang of jealousy, and envy, for the seeming candidness between Caitlyn and Sei. "I'll go and fix your discharge forms, Sei", Youko volunteered in order to shake off the feelings she had.

"Uhm, okay...but you don't have to do that. I know you're busy and all", Sei said, as she struggled to get up.

Youko reached out and gripped Sei's waist, only to retreat after the latter jerked in reaction to her touch. "I'm okay, I can get up", Sei said with a grin. Youko pursed her lips and nodded. "I'll go now", she muttered, before leaving posthaste.

Sei sighed upon hearing the door closed, and gathered her strength to eat the breakfast in front of her. She had conditioned herself already to not being with Youko, and she had so far adjusted well to it. There's so much anger in her, but was willing to let go of everything, last night. But Youko rejected her attempt. "I've just about had it", Sei said.


	8. Chapter 8: Red point

"Thanks for helping me out. I'll be okay, now". Sei moved around Caitlyn's apartment in a quick, but forced, movements. Despite her pale face, it was obvious that she was set to show Youko that she would be fine alone.

"Sei", Youko said, as she gripped Sei's wrist gently. "There's no need to prove to me you can be up and about. But you heard your doctor. You'd need to rest a lot"

"I will, I will. I promise", Sei grinned.

"Good, why don't you change to something more comfortable, while I make you something to eat. I'm sure the hospital food wasn't enough for you"

"Youko". Sei's voice suddenly turned stern. "You don't _have_ to do this. I'll be fine"

Youko stood closer to Sei. "You're right, I don't have to do this. But I want to"

Sei looked at her suspiciously, before turning away towards Caitlyn's room. Youko, on the other hand, went straight to the kitchen to find something to prepare. "Why am I even here?", Youko spoke to herself, while scanning the refrigerator's contents.

_"Shh...", Sei hushed, with her hand running through Youko's hair, occasionally feeling the latter's temperature through her forehead. Youko burrowed her head beneath Sei's body, wrapping her hand around the blonde girl's waist. _

_"I feel cold", Youko complained, while she held on to Sei tighter. _

_"Your fever's actually gone down, now", Sei remarked. "Would you like some soup? I made some in case you're hungry"_

_Youko shook her head in response. _

_"Okay, how about some orange juice? I'll go get some"_

_"Nooo", Youko said petulantly. "Don't go anywhere"_

_Sei chuckled, then positioned her whole body beside Youko, hugging the latter. "Okay, okay, I'm not moving an inch"_

_This was a side of Youko no one knows, except Sei. Everyone saw her as the controlled, level-headed, responsible, young woman. But when she was sick, she turns into a child, helpless and irritable. Sei was forced to be absent from school, as Youko was basically a latchkey child, like most girls Sei knew from Lillian, including herself. _

_"Where are your parents?", Sei asked. _

_"Mmph", Youko said, as her head kept burrowing deeper under Sei's body. "Out of the country"_

_"Aww", Sei responded. "Guess that means I really have to take care of you"_

_"What, you mean to tell me, if they were here, I wouldn't hear a peep from you?"_

_"No, of course not. But I know how they feel about us, and the last thing I want is for you mom and dad, to walk in on us, like this"_

_"Well, you have nothing to worry about", Youko declared. "Are you scared to get sick, too?"_

_"No, not really. Why?"_

_"Kiss me"_

_Sei snickered before reaching down for a kiss."How's that?", Sei asked after. _

_"I feel better already" , Youko sighed. _

_Sei grinned, then kissed her again. Her lips moved away from Youko's lips, and stopped right at her ears. Sei then whispered, "I love you"_

_Youko suppressed a gasp. She had loved Sei for years. The fact that Sei turned around and decided to be with her, was something that she has to sometimes still stop and wonder in amazement. And now this. Sei had actually said it, though it has yet to fully process in Youko's mind. _

_"I love you", Sei repeated. She was beginning to feel agitated after not getting any proper reaction from Youko. _

_Youko's thoughts were interrupted upon Sei's second utterance of those three amazing words. "I love you too, Satou Sei", she immediately said. "I love you so much"_

Youko heard the door close from Caitlyn's room. "Couldn't resist taking a shower, I hate the feeling of being in a hospital", Sei explained.

"I don't blame you. Why don't you sit down, while I finish making this?"

"What's that?"

"Your favorite soup", Youko muttered.

"Oh? Thanks", Sei said timidly. It wasn't _really_ her favorite soup. It's just that she knows it's the only one Youko knew how to make properly, without making it look and taste like goop. And so all these years, in order to avoid upsetting her then girlfriend, Sei had managed to convince her stomach that it _was_ her favorite. Nonetheless, after sitting down and sipping it, Sei had realized how terribly she missed Youko's cooking disasters, this one included.

"I'm sorry", Youko blurted out, then stood up and sat next to Sei. "I can't help wanting to fix that bandage on your forehead. Here, let me...",Youko said, as she leaned closer.

Sei swallowed a big gulp of the almost boiling hot soup. But the burning sensation that enveloped her throat was nothing compared to the chill than ran down her spine, as soon as she felt Youko's breath touch her face. "It's...it's...", she stammered.

"Shh...stop squirming", Youko berated. "There, looks better now"

"Thanks", Sei said in a mumbling manner. It was at that point that Sei decided to finish what she was eating in a record breaking amount of time, just so she could shake off the feeling of wanting Youko close to her.

Youko beamed with pride. "I'm glad you liked it. Want some more?"

"Err...yeah, please", Sei said. To her relief, Youko took her bowl and stood up, giving them the distance Sei needed.

Youko could not help but hear an audible sigh coming that came from Sei. "What's wrong?"

"Oh..haha...nothing...just that the stitches hurt", Sei said while pointing to the cut she had after bumping her head.

"Really? Well, the doctor gave you pain killers..."

"Err no, I'll be fine", Sei grinned. A pregnant pause dominated the room, until Youko decided to break it.

"So...maybe you should rest...and I'll...uhm, buy some food for you...seeing that the pantry is almost empty"

"Youko...can I ask you something?"

"Yeah...sure"

"Why are you doing this?"

"I don't want you to die of hunger"

"No...not that..I meant...this...you, taking care of me"

Youko sighed, but kept a smile on her face. "If I don't, who would?"

"But I don't ne--"

"Right. That's why you fainted and had a concussion. You don't know how to take care of yourself, Sei", Youko responded in an authoritative manner. Something that Sei was familiar with, but often resented.

Sei pursed her lips and nodded, like a child that had just been told off by her mother. She took out her pack of cigarettes and lit it up--a silent defiance in some ways.

"I thought you quit"

"I haven't, obviously", Sei retorted.

Youko made a sound of frustration. She began rubbing her nose bridge, which she would often do, when Sei decides to be her stubborn self. "You do know that's not good for you"

"Yes", Sei replied curtly.

"And yet you still opt to do it"

"We make choices, and we deal with it"

"Okay, what's your problem?"

"Is that all you have to say? You're here because I don't know how to take care of myself?"

"What other reason should I have?"

"You tell me, Youko. You _left_. And then now, you just come back, skirting in my life again like it's the most natural thing to do after you left your girlfriend"

"You are, first and foremost, my friend. And when friends nee--"

Sei kicked the chair next to her, which made Youko wince. "Oh, cut the bullshit about friendship, Youko", Sei said, as she stood up. "But since we're in the topic of what friends do. Then let me tell you what friends shouldn't do. And that is to abandon"

"I did not--"

"Save it for someone who would believe you"

Sei walked out of the kitchen and headed towards Caitlyn's room, slamming the door behind her. Youko sighed heavily, shook her head, and slowly followed Sei. "Sei, you're right. Let's talk", she said in between knocking.

"No"

"No?"

"I don't want to talk to you"

"Sei...let's not be childish about this"

There was silence for a few seconds, until Youko heard rumbling footsteps headed towards the bedroom door. "You know what's wrong with you?", Sei said. "Among other things?", she added.

Youko was taken aback by Sei's reaction. "Uh, no"

"You treat me like a child", Sei said before slamming the door at Youko.

Youko was stunned and amused at the same time. "Uh, well, slamming the door at someone hardly merits as a mature behavior, Sei"

"Shut up!", came a muffled sound from the room.

Youko held the doorknob and confirmed her suspicion. For all of Sei''s anger, and theatrics, she had forgotten to lock it. She entered slowly with the door as her shield, lest there be flying vases or picture frames thrown at her, only to find Sei crumpled up in a fetal position, with a pillow covering her face.

"Go away", Sei said meekly. "Just go"

"Are you...crying?"

"None of your business", Sei said in between sobs.

"Do you really want me to go?"

Sei turned around and locked eyes with Youko, before saying, "Yes. I want you to go"

"Why?"

"What the hell do you mean, why???", Sei shouted.

"Okay, okay", Youko said, with her arms held up high in surrender. "I'm going"

"Thank you", Sei responded, then returned to her original position.

"I'll go and buy your groceries", Youko said, before leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

"What? No! I meant, get out, forever!"

Youko laughed bitterly. "You really don't mean that, do you?", she shouted back.

"Ye--", Sei began saying, but paused in the middle.

"I'll be back in an hour", Youko said, after Sei remained silent.


	9. Chapter 9: Sketched out

_"S-sei? When did you--"_

_"Shhh...are you too tired?", Sei asked in between kissing Youko's neck, who woke up upon feeling the weight of the bed shift. _

_"Hmm? I should be asking you that", Youko mumbled as she wrapped her arms around Sei. "How was your advertising congress?"_

_"Boring...and New York looked bleak without you", Sei said, kissing Youko's collarbone. _

_Youko moaned in response, which only encouraged Sei further. Her lips traveled from Youko's neck to the lips, with their hands finding each other that ended in a tight clasp. _

_"You have no idea...how beautiful you are", Sei whispered in Youko's ear. _

_"Oh?", Youko gasped. _

_Sei paused and grinned at Youko. "A lot prettier than Shimako"_

_Youko rolled her eyes. "Mood killer much, Sato Sei. Comparing me to your petite seour"_

_"I could've said Sachiko, but it's the same thing...no one comes close as far as I'm concerned", Sei interjected as she struggled to pull something from her backpocket. "Well...maybe this". Sei held a small velvet box in front of Youko. "...though...on second thought...it STILL pales in comparison"_

_Youko's eyes grew big at the sight of a diamond engagement ring "Sei..."_

_"I had breakfast at Tiffany's", Sei beamed, as she placed the ring on Youko's finger. She brushed Youko's hair gingerly, and spoke to her in a serious tone. "I know we can't get married, but I--"_

_"That doesn't matter, Sei. It's ironic I know...that I'm studying to become a lawyer...yet the law isn't, and probably will never be on our side, when it comes to that...but you know what? I don't care"_

"I was wrong...I did care as some point", Youko mumbled to herself, as she walked back to Caitlyn's apartment. She sighed at the sight of children running and screaming at each other towards a playground by the corner.

_"What's wrong?", Sei asked. She noticed Youko spacing out, and staring at the window, with a pensive expression. _

_"Sei...my parents...are pressuring me to get married after I graduate...and have children"_

_Sei shifted her gaze somewhere else. "And what do you want?"_

_"I...I don't want to get married with anyone else...It's you that I love...but...I do...I do want to...have a child", Youko stammered. "Not now though...I mean...in the future", she added immediately._

_"I see", Sei replied. _

_Youko waited for Sei to continue, however, the latter said nothing afterward._

_"Sei..."_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Talk to me"_

_"What do you want me to say, Youko?"_

_"I don't know, just...something...anything"_

_Sei put down the book she was reading, and sighed heavily. "It's something I can't control, Youko. It's something I can't give. What do you expect me to do?"_

_"Tell me that you're enough"_

_"I can't"_

_"Sei"_

_"I can't, Youko. I can't look you in the eye and honestly say "I'm enough". That you should just forget about thinking of having kids, because I'm all you need. You and I, both know, that's just idiotic"_

"Idiotic, huh?", Youko mumbled again. "What's idiotic is that you didn't even want to try". She stopped walking, and looked at the bag of groceries she carried. "What's more idiotic, is that you didn't even flinch when I left, and yet here I am, buying your goddamn cup noodles. All the while, you are lying down comfortably in an apartment that's owned by an impossibly gorgeous woman", Youko ranted to herself. "What the hell is wrong with me?", she spoke one more time, as she stood in front of Caitlyn's apartment.

She shook her head and opened the door, only to find Sei sitting down on the window bed, smoking. Youko frowned because despite the her dislike for that bad habit, there was always a side of her that found Sei incredibly sexy whenever she smokes. _I guess I will never outgrow my infatuation with you, Sei, _she thought to herself. Nonetheless, Youko would rather crawl from Japan to China, rather than admit that she has a hopeless case of schoolgirl crush on the former Rosa Gigantea of Lillian.

For a brief moment, their eyes met. Sei's eyes were swollen due to her hysterics earlier_. _It has been a long while since Youko saw Sei cry. To be exact, it was only when she discovered that note that implicated Sei being with another woman. Youko had slapped her, and when she tried to walk away, Sei caught her wrist, only to recoil after the former slapped her again in a harsher way. Sei shed tears silently, and then walked out of the apartment.

Youko gingerly walked towards Sei, and sat in front of the sulking blonde girl. "I'm sorry about earlier, Sei"

Sei nodded in response, with her eyes focused on the cigarette she was holding. Youko hesitantly moved her hand to reach Sei's. When the latter showed no sign of resistance, Youko locked in their fingers together. "Caitlyn told me you haven't been taking care of yourself because of work"

"I had a very important project", Sei responded defensively.

"You've grown to love advertising, haven't you?"

"No", Sei replied curtly. "But what else do I have?"

Sei's question stung Youko. she released her hold on Sei's hand and leaned against the window. "You...have..."

"Right. The project is over, my company has insisted I take a few days off, I can get my much needed rest. End of story"

"And what happens when you get a new important project? Your skull can only take so much beating no matter how thick it can be"

"By the time my head cracks open, I have already changed my contact details. So don't worry, you won't be bothered"

"That isn't the point, Sei"

"Christ, Youko. Drop it", Sei said, seething with her jaws clenched. "Drop. It", she repeated, while she lit up another cigarette.

"Typical", Youko muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"Typical of you to just shut out things and just walk away from it"

"Me. Walk away. Huh, Kettle calling the pot black, Youko"

"You don't even know why I left"

"And I'm not about to ask"

Youko shook her head and smiled bitterly. "Are you hungry? I bought instant noodles"

"Maybe later"

"Sei..."

"Yeah?"

"Nothing. I'll get us some food. You stay here and relax"

"I'm not hungry, Youko...", Sei mumbled diplomatically.

"Okay...I can...come back later...or tomorrow, if you want to rest now"

"I'm fine", Sei replied, still refusing to look at Youko.

Youko sighed and scooted until she was only a few centimeters away from Sei. She coaxed the latter to lean on her, which Sei did not struggle to refuse. "I honestly don't know what I'm doing Sei", Youko whispered. "I don't know why I'm still here"

Youko heard Sei sniff, and then wiped off tears from her face, but still refused to look at her. Youko held Sei tighter, and spoke again. "Are you still mad about earlier?"

Sei shook her head in response.

"That's nice to know", Youko said. "Would you like a cup of tea?"

Sei nodded in response.

Youko suppressed her urge to hug Sei. _She's being irresistibly cute again, _she thought to herself. She walked towards the kitchen in a hastened pace, or a few more seconds of watching Sei sulk like a seven year old would break all her defenses completely.

When she had gotten her composure back, Youko took the cups of tea and once again sat in front of Sei. "This is a nice window bed", Youko said in an attempt to change the mood.

"It's makeshift, actually, otherwise I'd still be using the sofa as bed"

"You can't find another apartment?"

"I can, I just don't want to"

"Oh", Youko said. An awkward silence once again dominated, until Youko spoke about something that almost caused Sei to choke. "Can you teach me how to smoke?"

"Why on earth..."

"You look like you're having fun"

"I...err..well..."

"So...", Youko said as she took a stick from Sei's pack. "How do I do this?"

"Uh...uhm, you, well, see, I...", Sei stammered. "If you're thinking that will make me quit, you're wrong"

"I'm not doing this for you, I really want to know", Youko said, while staring at the cigarette.

"Uhm...okay", Sei responded nervously as she scratched her hair. "You...when you light it up, you'd have to inhale it right away"

"Okay" Youko got Sei's lighter and followed Sei's instructions, only to choke on the smoke that she inhaled.

Sei couldn't help but burst into laughter.

"Thats not...*cough*...fun...*cough*...ny, Sato...*cough*...Sei". Youko complained in the middle of her coughing.

"Alright...alright...I'm sorry". Sei then did something Youko least expected. She shifted her position and sat next to Youko, then rubbed the failed smoker's back repeatedly.

Youko felt tingles down her spine as Sei's warm hand touched her back, and it immediately calmed her. Sei, out of habit, began massaging Youko's left shoulder, while her other hand reached out for the cigarette stick, and then stubbed it away. "You should stop thinking about starting that. It doesn't suit you anyway"

Without realizing that she had her eyes closed, Youko sighed, and spoke. "What suits me, then?"

Sei held Youko's chin and kissed her lips, first in a chaste manner, then it eventually became more intense. "Sei...", Youko muttered as she finally go hold of her bearings. "W-wai--" _Oh god_, she thought, when Sei grabbed her waist, with her hand slowly entering Youko's shirt. _Damn it._

It was over for Youko's struggle, as soon as Sei found the raven-haired girl's bra clasp.

"We shouldn't have done that", Youko said, frowning at their naked reflection on the window.

"Says who?",

"Says me"

"That's not what you kept saying earlier", Sei teased triumphantly. "It was more like, Sei that feels goo--ow!"

"Shut up", Youko said, after slapping Sei's stomach. "This was a mistake"

Sei's grin was completely wiped out upon hearing those words. "I'm sorry", she mumbled, and then struggled to get out of the bed.

"No, Sei...I didn't mean--"

"You're right, this shouldn't have happened. It's my fault"

"Sei, stop", Youko said as she held on to Sei's shoulders, and leaned against her back. "Please"

"What did I do, Youko?", Sei whispered in between tears. She was beginning to hate herself for crying this easily for the past few weeks. "Why are you punishing me this way?"


	10. Chapter 10: avalanche

Sei said as she stood up and began putting her clothes on. "Look, I just want to know why you left without so much as a goodbye, then we can move on with our lives"

"So you want to move on?", Youko asked, already feeling panic.

Sei screamed a scream of frustration, then stormed back at Youko. "_You're_ the one who fucking left me, Youko"

"I left because I had to!"

"Why? I want to know, why?"

"Because you're you! Because I know I wouldn't matter! You've been pulling away for as long as I can remember! I _had_ to leave, or you would've left me!"

Sei was stunned, as she tried to process what Youko had just revealed. "I...would've left you?"

"Yes. You...you've stopped talking to me...we've stopped being partners along time ago...and I didn't want to continue with just pretending"

"What...I don't know what you're talking about"

"For the longest time...we don't communicate...we shut things out and pretend there are no issues...you...you spend so much time working"

"I was working for us!"

"Well you sure failed to make me feel that way!", Youko yelled back.

Sei was at a loss for words. She sat down, with the whole weight of Youko's words on her shoulders. "You have no idea...no idea, Youko"

"That's because you never tried to make me understand, Sei. I was constantly trying to--"

"You know what your problem is? You never, for once, believed that I was capable of loving you", Sei blurted out, in effect shifting the topic.

"I...No...that's not true", stammered Youko.

"You constantly tested me, placing me in situations where in I always had to prove my love for you...why can't you just..." Sei's voice began to trail off, and all she wanted to do was run away. But something, was pulling her down to where she was seated. Exhaustion. She was just too damn tired from weeks of emotional rollercoaster.

"I was the girl you brushed aside...the meddler". Youko looked away and wiped a tear off her eye. "You knew all along how I felt...yet you chose not to reciprocate...and then all of a sudden, you..."

_"Sei...what happened?", Youko asked breathlessly after breaking her kiss with Sei. _

_"I don't know...I don't know...I just...all I can tell you , is that I feel it, Youko. You and I...I've been rather...uneasy when you've stopped being the meddler in my life", Sei replied, as she ran her finger on Youko's lips. "I missed you terribly...I couldn't stop thinking about you...and here you are, with me now...Youko...it's like i'm seeing you for the first time"_

_"But---"_

_"Shh...please trust me...I'm not playing games with you..."_

"You're the girl who saw right through me from the start. You weren't curious of me because of how I looked. You meddled because...if you didn't, no one else would...and that saved me, so many times", Sei narrated. "I was blinded by my experience with Shiori, but--"

"Maybe that's the problem. I'm not Shiori"

"Oh, for chrissakes, Youko! Why on earth would I want you to be like her?"

"I saw how you looked at her"

"And?"

"Nothing"

"damn it. Say it!"

"You never once looked at me that way!"

Sei gasped, shocked by Youko's revelation. She moved closer to Youko, with every step deliberately made. "That's because I was young and stupid! I looked at her, and treated her, like...like a god...that...that wasn't love...that was closer to idolatry"

Sei's demeanor became calmer, as she finally understood, at least one source of Youko's insecurities. She had, as far as she could remember, never compared Youko with Shiori. The latter for Sei, was all a distant past, but she had forgotten that it had the strongest impression on Youko. And for the first time, the always confident, and cool Youko had unraveled a weakness she had fought so hard to keep hidden.

Youko remained still as Sei moved closer, stirring now and then to brush the tears away from her eyes. "I don't know if pity--"

"Stop. Stop right there", Sei hushed, while she shook her head incessantly. "There is _nothing_ about you that I pity. I could never pretend to love you out of pity, Youko. I'm not that cruel", she said, as she stopped and knelt in front of Youko, holding the latter's trembling hands. "Shiori was my first heartache. That doesn't mean, she was my first love. It's you, Youko. It's always been you"

"Why...wasn't I enough, then?"

Youko froze as Sei unexpectedly broke down and buried her face on the raven-haired girl's lap. "Sei?"

_Sei stormed into the office, and headed straight to Hitomi's work station. _

_With a sly grin on her face, Hitomi greeted Sei emphatically. "Good Morning, Sato-sa--"_

_"Don't you smile and greet me like we're friends, you bitch!", Sei exclaimed. And with that came a slap on the face. The whole department came into a disarray, with Sei continuously slapping Hitomi, who was now on the ground. "I'm gonna fucking kill you!"_

_It was only Kimura Shinako who was brave enough to stop the scuffle. "Sei! Get off her! Now!", Shinako said as she struggled to pull Sei away from Hitomi. _

_"You bitch! You fucking bitch!", Sei continued, as she was literally being dragged away by her boss. _

_"What the hell are you doing? Are you planning to ruin your future?", Shinako asked, as she shoved Sei inside her room. _

_"I'm already ruined! She ruined me!"_

_"What? I don't understand. Calm down, Sei". Sei was shaking, and was on the verge of tears. One embrace from Shinako was all it took for Sei to break down. In between sobbing, she began explaining what happened the night before. _

_Before Sei could finish her story, another din was heard from the outside. Hitomi, now empowered, began threatening to file a lawsuit on Sei. "Where is she? I'm calling the cops! This is assault!", Hitomi screamed. _

_Shinako shook her head in reaction, and sighed. "Wait here, Sei. And don't you dare step out of this room". _

_The moment Shinako stepped out of her private office, silence ensued the whole floor. "What's your problem, Hitomi?"_

_"Where's that subordinate of yours, Shinako? Take a good look at me, my nose is bleeding, and my lip has been cracked. She'll be spending the night in jail, so hand her over to me", Hitomi haughtily spoke. _

_"Oh? I wouldn't dream handing her over to you, unless you want more injuries in your body, Hitomi"_

_"Your pet is going down, Shinako"_

_Shinako, who rarely smiled at her colleagues, flashed a grin that made everyone else in the department shiver. "Perhaps you'd like to consider this, Hitomi. Dare lay a finger on Sei, and you will be butting heads with me. And you must know, I'm a sore loser, and so I do everything in my power to win"_

_"Is that a threat?"_

_"It's a fact. You reek of dirt, I can detect where you are miles away. You don't exactly want people to know how you got promoted under Mr. Igarashi's team, do you?"_

_Hitomi turned pale at what Shinako was implying, and could not answer back. _

_"I think we are done here, Hitomi. Remember, stay away from Sei, and we'll all be fine", Shinako said, with a triumphantly smug look on her face. With that, she turned away, and headed back to her room, with the rest of the office workers wondering what Hitomi did. _

_Hitomi, on her end, shamed and injured, ran out of the office as fast as she could, handing her resignation that very same hour. _

_"Now, Sei", Shinako said, throwing a pack of cigarettes on the blonde girl, who was slumped and hunched on the floor, still crying. "So, Youko found a note from Hitomi?"_

_Sei nodded, as she tried to stop herself from sobbing. _

_"No wonder you look like trash. Where the hell did you stay last night?"_

_"Car...", Sei said, as she lit a cigarette stick. It was her first time to smoke, but she wasn't about to tell her boss that. _

_"Christ, you could've gone to my apartment. Look at you", Shinako said with so much sympathy. _

_"I didn't want to impose"_

_"Nevermind that. My question is, how much truth was there in that note?"_

_"None. I would never...". Sei felt her eyes and throat swelling again, and so she could not finish what she wanted to say. Instead, she bravely inhaled the smoke, to deter her from talking. _

_"So why can't she believe you?"_

_"Because the note is too damning", Sei replied, gripping her hair in frustration. "God, I don't know what happened. Why me?"_

_Shinako sighed in response. "I believe, an apology is in order"_

_"Huh?"_

_"Hitomi was my subordinate before you came in. Her skills, are pretty decent, if I am to be kind in assessing her. But she's no where near your level. When I found your curriculum vitae, I knew I found a diamond in the rough. I asked her to be transferred to another head. She's...taking it personally...after all this time...because...well...there's another reason why I was eager to have her transferred...she kind of..."_

_"Kind of...?", Sei asked. She looked at her boss curiously, as the normally very calm and collected young woman turned red. _

_"She...had a little crush on me"_

_"No...shit..."_

_"Okay, so she was obsessed"_

_"Better. Thank you"_

_"And I think...and while this is just a conjecture, I don't think it's far from the truth...there had been low whispers about you and me...and I feel it's coming from her...and that note she made...is probably one of her ways to get back at you, for seemingly taking me away from her"_

_"Damn it"_

_"I'm sorry"_

_"Why are you apologizing?"_

_"Because I should've just fired her, but instead, the softie in me took over", Shinako said with a smile. "And so now you're in trouble with your girlfriend, all because there's a little Mother Teresa in me"_

_"I don't think any of this is your fault, Shinako. If for anything, you just saved my ass out there"_

_"It's my job to protect my subordinates. Though next time I'd appreciate it if you don't go on a cave woman mode in settling disputes"_

_"Gotcha. So, some people think we're dating?"_

_"I wouldn't worry so much about that, Sei. That's just stupid gossiping. If I were you, I'll start thinking of how to win Youko back"_

_Sei groaned, and ran her hand through her hair. "I don't know if I can...there's no way she'll believe me"_

_"How come?"_

_"Because everyone thinks I'm a flirt, and no one believes a flirt when it comes to fidelity"_

_"Being a flirt, doesn't automatically make you a cheater"_

_"Tell that to Youko...I don't think she's ever trusted me...and that note...she was probably expecting that in a way. It's like confirming all her fears"_

_"well, then, I suppose, the only way, is...swallow your pride and apologize"_

_"What?"_

_"What have you got to lose? You already said it. She doesn't trust you in the first place. So suck it in and just apologize, even though you are innocent here"_

_"Tch"_

_"What other options do you have, genius?"_

_"...None", Sei said in defeat. "Alright...I guess..."_

_"Take the day off, Sei, and fix your life"_

_Sei smiled for the first time since last night. "Have I mentioned before that my petite seour's name is Shimako?"_

_Shinako's eyebrows arched in amusement. "Is that so?"_

_"Yeah...when you mentioned your name, I trusted you right away...it's a good name... because it's so close to my petite seour's", Sei said, before she left. _

_"I hope Shimako and I bring you good fortune, Sei", Shinako muttered after hearing the door close. _

_That night, Sei came home to Youko. She had never felt so naked, so humiliated, being in front of her lifeline, begging forgiveness for something she had never done. "Please...forgive me...that...that won't...happen...again...I swear"_

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other"*, Sei mumbled, after gathering composure. She stared at Youko, begging for the latter to understand those words, without having to explain anymore.

*Pablo Neruda


End file.
